Rory Lemon is an Osteopath and somatic health coach.

At 33 years old, Rory found out he was Dsylexic and before that, he really struggled with social anxiety, decision-making and verbal self-expression.

Since then, he has overcome these challenges and he made it his mission to help others substantiate their healthy habits and self-care beyond the treatment room.

Rory has recently created The Unique Learning Ability Show – An online summit looking at Learning Challenges: Top secrets to thrive with confidence, stability and productivity.

The show addresses challenges with learning, issues with neurodiversity and unhealthy habitual behaviours with a functional application called a Unique Learning Ability (ULA), using a fun and accessible conversational format.

He is curating 21 experts to impart their knowledge, talents and support, so that you can celebrate your unique talents, and learn how to speak up for what you need and feel valued.

Points of exploration:

• How to celebrate your unique talents
• Best known tips to manage the mind and emotions
• How to make self-fulfilling decisions in all situations
• How to speak up and feel valued
• 21 ways to perform at your best

So imagine if you could confidently do all this, without hiding or masking yourself!

The registration page is here!

Rory really believes there’s an easy way to personally develop, so this is what he wants to share with you in his summit.

A guest Blog from Angela Loynd

I’ve never been particularly good at writing. It’s not that I don’t have a wild imagination, far from it. Without the stress and anxiety (and dare I say ‘trauma’) that emerges from my youth in both the primary and secondary education setting, my brain can do amazing things. But writing them down on paper (or on my laptop) has always been difficult for me (you’ll see this in my LinkedIn posts which are always inevitably ‘edited’). Thank goodness for the modern technical tools that help us to succeed!

I was recently asked by a wonderful LinkedIn connection and fellow neurodiversity advocate (Joyce CoomberSewell) to write as a guest blogger on this site, a seemingly simple task for some, but whilst I was incredibly honoured, it filled me with fear, anxiety, and dread. Imposter syndrome had kicked in. What is that, I hear you ask? Impostor syndrome (IS) refers to ‘an internal experience of believing that you are not as competent as others perceive you to be… it has links to perfectionism and the social context’ (Cuncic, 2021).

Who would want to hear my story?

Why would they want to know? Why would they care? Why would it matter? All these questions suddenly swirled around, penetrating and invading the magical and creative space in my head. Then it hit me. All the work I’ve done over the past few years came into effect, the positive self-talk, the mission to help others like me, and the adolescents and young adults who are still finding or yet to find their own voice. If it only reaches one of you, this one is for you.

I write ‘micro-blogs’ I like to call them and share others’ wisdom almost daily on social media. I’m no expert, only in my own life. But I do believe in sharing what has worked for me, and I’m constantly learning every day from others, including my own Neurodivergent Adolescent and Young Adults (NDAYAs). I write about positive ND affirming topics, support strategies, #ndhumour, but I also share my stories of trauma, feelings of being lost, the constant searching through what I can only describe as ‘The Matrix’ we live in for answers to ‘Who am I’?

We neurodivergent (ND) folx do this often, with a bag of tricks which generally includes our multitude of masks, strategies, and scaffolding techniques. However, statistics will show you that we have high rates of mental health comorbidity, social and financial inequity, experience workplace bullying and harassment, and relationship distress. I for one know full well the serious ramifications of workplace bullying, the breakdown in mental health, the tears, the pressure on my family, the struggle so real that I almost ended my life.

Diagnosis

I was going through my diagnosis at the time, clearly struggling and in need of support from my peers and management, as well as simple adjustments in the workplace. I was confused, lost, distressed, and traumatized – I didn’t know any better. But in the workplace, especially a large organisation embedded in healthcare, you have no excuse. You have a duty of care. You have a moral and professional obligation. The ableist, toxic behaviour you exhibited was life-threatening…  Shame on you.

Joyce, thank you for inspiring and believing in me, when I didn’t believe in myself! My husband always does and said I should have done this, so he’s claiming responsibility for instigating the newsletter! (Henrik, you are my rock, I love you so much.)

References:

Cuncic, A. (2021). What is Imposter Syndrome? Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/imposter-syndrome-and-social-anxiety-disorder

This is an excerpt to a fictional piece which may provide some insight.

(All identity descriptions are written as ‘they’, ‘them’, ‘their’)

Mofaux in ‘Wonderland’ – A  story of turning the tides.

“I’m finally starting my new job at Wonderland. The dream job, I’ve worked hard, interviewed hard, I’ve won big, finally!” After the normal ‘new job’ nerves settle, Mofaux is excited to be part of the team. Thinking silently, ‘nothing I can’t handle”. With significant work experience up each sleeve, Mofaux is a top performing graduate from a high-ranking university, confident, well resourced, popular, charming, and moderately socially and economically carefree.

Mofaux walks in for the first day in the office. The workplace appears like most shared office spaces, but something is different, odd, unnerving. Mofaux can’t put a finger on it but feels anxious immediately. It’s 9am and some of the desks are empty, the phones are silent, the lights are dimmed, and nobody is talking. It’s a surreal experience and it knocks Mofaux off-balance, anxiety rising in their throat. There’s a young person in the corner office flapping hands wildly, but nobody seems to care or notice. Another room to the side seems to be soundproofed and there’s a team of people inside, conversing madly, scribbling ideas wildly on paper and whiteboards spread throughout the room, some dancing and listening to headphones, to what Mofaux can only imagine is music.

Wondering if they’ve just abseiled down the rabbit hole, there’s not a soul in the office who is taking the slightest bit of notice to this bizarre and unusual performance. Mofaux finally sits at their allocated desk, others directly nearby are introduced briefly, and then they return to their work, placing headphones back on in the process. The manager appears, explaining the day, which is to be spent adjusting to the workplace, working through the self-paced ‘Wonderland’ induction package, before being asked if there is anything they need to make their day and time here more comfortable?

“What the hell is going on?” Mofaux can’t take it anymore – anxiety, frustration, and fear exploding from within. Panic sets in, but the mask has finally fallen. The manager meets Mofaux’s confused gaze and sits down quietly for a few minutes on the seat nearby, only asking how they can support Mofaux at this moment. Mofaux shakes their head confused, bewildered, but calmer after the verbal outburst, all of which nobody has taken much notice of, except the manager, who remains seated nearby.

“What is going on? Where am I? What is this place? The lights are dim, there are people not here, the phones don’t ring, others wear strange headphones, some are flapping hands in the corner, and nobody seems to be aware how strange any of this is!” The manager realising Mofaux’s confusion, explains, “The people who work here are neurodivergent, I thought you knew that. We make individual and group-based workplace adjustments for all our staff, to meet their sensory and physical needs, so that everyone can succeed here, including you.

Stunned, blinking and dazed, Mofaux finally asks, “what do you call it?”

The manager replies…”We call it inclusion, Mofaux! Welcome to the revolution!”

“Welcome to Wonderland”

Here, I’m interviewed by David Breaker of Wellness Wide on the benefits of mentoring for autistic people and their families.

Click the link to watch!

Having been a long-term member of the Twilight networking group I was very eager to participate in the new Brunch, mid-morning, network.

Though Brunch and Twilight are very different in their formats, they are currently both on Zoom which has given me the opportunity to meet people across the whole of Great Britain. They are both exceedingly good places to be to meet like-minded businesspeople.

Having attended both Brunch meetings and numerous Twilight meetings I have had multiple 121’s with people eager to make connections. These meetings are not primarily to instantly do business but rather to build relationships and even friendships. The outcome of this is that I can confidently refer other businesses to the businesspeople I meet.

Neil D’Silva is a great instigator of these two networking groups, which both come under the banner of GoNetworking. The atmosphere is light and inviting with clear instructions on how these meetings will be orchestrated and how to make the most of them not only by listening to one another but by sharing in the chat, which can be saved and used after the meeting.

I am very much looking forward to my continuing presence in these two networking groups, Twilight and Brunch.

So what is the difference between Counselling, Coaching and Mentoring?

Counselling is undertaken by you and a fully accredited counsellor. On the whole you do most of the talking, the counsellor is only there to guide you in discovering the answers to your problem yourself.

Coaching is much more thought of within the sporting and business sector, though not exclusively. The coach will guide and teach you on how to develop your skills. Whether this is at the gym or in your current role at work.

Mentoring is where the mentor and the client have a two way conversation. The relationship is very different to that of the counsellor or the coach. The mentor would help the client to up skill in whatever area the client requires. The role of the mentor is much more in line with being a good friend, big brother, or sister.

Of course all three professions are bound by the rules of confidentiality. The only time confidentiality should be breached is if the client disclosed committing an act of terrorism, harming someone else, or harming themselves.

In my role as a mentor I have guided my clients in many, many areas. These can range from helping university students manage their money, how to stay safe when entering new relationships, and how to work with their tutors. Often when working with autistic people I’ve helped them come to terms with their suspected diagnosis or how to seek medical diagnosis, to accept their differences but not to be ashamed of them but to own them. I have helped people understand what is blocking them from progressing. The client and I would identify what it is from their past that they have created as a truth, collected evidence to prove that that truth is true, but that “truth” has now become their roadblock.

So how do you identify which one of these three professionals you require?

I guess the role of the coach may be the easiest of the three to identify with. For instance if you want a progress at work you may go to your up line and asked them to teach you the skills that are required. Or you might ask someone in your up line if you can be accountable to them for fulfilling your targets. Or maybe you want to lose a certain amount of weight and become fitter, therefore you might seek out someone at your local leisure centre or gymnasium for help, advice, and to be accountable to.

Becoming the client of a counsellor is often for a shorter period of time, for a specific problem. It is common to be initially offered one meeting a week for six weeks, which is quite often adequate, though this can be extended. Often the client goes to the counsellor with one specific problem, though when resolving that problem it may raise other issues. The role of the counsellor is to listen, not to disclose anything about themselves, nor to solve the problem for the client but for the client to solve the problem for themselves.

Like the counsellor the mentor may also only offer one meeting a week for six weeks, though it is common for this to develop into a longer period of time. The relationship is very much a two-way flow where the mentor will share about themselves and their experiences as well as the client. So for instance if the client is struggling to manage their finances it would be appropriate for the mentor to speak of how they have learnt this themselves, including hiccups along the way. Obviously, the mentor would not reveal in-depth personal information, but it is important that the mentor shows that they have empathy with their client.

On a personal note I have a Bachelor’s Degree in Counselling Coaching and Mentoring. Had I wished to have become a counsellor I would have had to take another year’s course equal to a Master’s Degree. At the end of that year I would have then had to register with a counselling association before I went into practice. This is not required to become a Coach or a Mentor, in fact no qualifications are required, and you do not have to be a member of any association.

That being said, working with a trained, experienced Mentor like me is always advisable.

To find out more please contact us.

Why cats you may be asking? Why not, I reply?

We are living in extremely weird times, no social interaction, wearing face coverings, no schools, working from home and the wonderful technology of Zoom.

We here at CoomberSewell Enterprises LLP https://www.coombersewell.co.uk/ own two delightful, but very different, further babies.

Now Kevin is of a mature age,  a little rickety on the back legs, and sleeps more than his younger counterpart. Kevin is a tabby cat, who has lived life to the full and has the raggedy ear ends to prove it. He is not so keen on catching mice as he once was but will happily eat up the remains that his female companion hunts for him. Kevin likes nothing more to come and sit on our laps and snuggle up under our chins whilst we scratch his neck and ears. He will purr contentedly all the time it suits him; he will move from my lap to her lap and then back to my lap until he gets bored when he will walk around the furniture until he can sit contentedly on the windowsill watching the world go by.

And then there is Woof… A female tabby cat who is a little confused by her name and lives the persona of both cat and dog. Woof has her own personal slave who tends to her every whim and need. Her slave is autistic, a recluse and a selective mute. For him Woof is his constant companion. She lives in his bedroom with him, and though he cannot tolerate human physical contact she is allowed to snuggle into him for warmth and tummy cuddles. She persuades him several times a day to feed her Dreamies, to play games which do include the occasional scratch and bite when he least expects it.

These two cats are a delight to the whole household and in these times of lockdown have become a source of distraction and fun.

Perhaps I should also mention our eight chickens who live in a very large luxurious sun house with a huge fenced in enclosure to run around and play in. Now, I would not want you to think that these chickens are in any way, spoilt after all they only provide us with eggs everyday which we sell on to very appreciative friends and neighbours. Inside their wonderful sun house they have a large shelf that they snuggle together on, to sleep every night. They have eight nesting boxes, though I am unsure why they only lay their eggs in one? They have food and water, a ladder to walk up to their bed, sawdust on the floor and a large bale of hay to keep them warm. Out in their run they have two logs to jump on and off of and to find insects to nibble on. They have home-made climbing frames and on the 1st of January they acquired their own Christmas tree. In their run they also have a large bale of straw which has been de-roped, and they have scattered to their hearts’ content. They also have an automatic feeder which these very clever chickens have quickly learned that if they jump onto the treadle the lid pops opens and they can feed to their tummy’s content. Every morning my other half takes them out scraps of food left over from us humans, laced with plain biscuits and warm water. She changes their roosting paper, cleans up their mess, checks their water and their feeder to keep our delightful, productive chickens happy in their daily task. Every evening she visits them again, cleans up after them again, and entices them back in to their warm sun house with delightful treats.

And of course there are the fish, some who live outside in the pond with lots of lily pads and pondweed. The other fish live a warm life in their tropical tank filled with beautiful plants, a sunken pirate ship, beautiful stones and slate.  Today they welcomed 10 new companions, making them welcome in their tropical home.

I hope you have some furry friends or other nonhuman companions to help you through these difficult times. Cuddles, fussing and talking to our beloveds helps with the feeling of isolation, loneliness and the long days.

But should you need a chat with a fellow human please don’t forget we are always here, willing and able to listen and help where we can. info@coombersewell.co.uk

So This Is Christmas???

Well what an amazing year we have had, who would have thought last Christmas that we were heading for a pandemic?

I know it would be easy to speak about all the things we have missed but I thought 🤔 let’s take a look at some of the pluses, yes there have been a few

Zoom  Skype  Teams  Messenger  to name a couple of online, face-to-face platforms.

Jane and I have transferred all of our university students onto Zoom, which has been a great success. The majority of our students are on the autistic spectrum so meetings on the Internet are much easier than face-to-face

.

But it’s not just our university students, one of the many hats  Jane wears is as a schools governors clerk, they too have moved on to Zoom. Jane has also recently joined the Federation of Small Businesses  and is Zooming  along to several of their network meetings.

For myself I am seeing my private clients on zoom as well as attending Twilight networking meetings every other Thursday evening https://www.i-nutrition.co.uk/twilight-networking-events/

Another good thing that has been happening is exercise,  Just how many adverts have we seen in the last year to join online exercise classes. Not that I’m saying we have participated in any of these because we haven’t. What we have been doing is going out for walks  Admittedly we did far more walking during the first lockdown than we have been doing recently but that is because our workload has greatly increased. Not only have I been doing more mentoring,  but Jane has been undertaking far more proofreading  than ever before

What about actually meeting face-to-face with family and friends,  I for one more than ever greatly appreciate those rare occasions. Whether that’s having a socially distanced barbecue  in our back garden or unexpectedly meeting old friends while out on a walk 

Personally, I also like the new way our doctors surgery  is operating. I phone  them, the receptionists asks a few questions, then I’m either phoned back to say there’s a prescription sent to the chemist, or that the doctor will phone me, or the doctor will see me, and I’m given an appointment time. I for one hope this system stays in place after the pandemic is over. No more sitting in germ  infested waiting rooms.

Some things have not changed though, for instance about every eight weeks Jane and I cook, freeze, and take up to Derbyshire 70+ meals  for my old stepdad.  We fill his two freezers  and normally we would spend the weekend with him. Of course, currently this is not possible under the Covid-19 restrictions. So last Sunday Jane and I did a 12 hour, 600 mile round trip,  spending just 45 minutes with him, unloading the car, filling the freezers, and then sitting in his shed  while he stood in the doorway of his kitchen  chatting to one another through our various facemasks  and shields. 

With just under two weeks to go before Santa comes to fill our stockings  we are busy ordering those last-minute presents  off of the Internet. Though very limited I suspect we will meet with a few of our family over this Christmas. So, it just leaves me to say;

Have a very, very, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

I have just successfully survived my final review for my Masters by Research.

Tracking The Timeline and Impact Of Inequality Between Autistics And Non-Autistics In The United Kingdom From The 19^th Century To The Current Day

So now I have until mid-February to get my final draft in,  ready to submit at the end of March.

So why am I telling you this, how does this link to Meaning Making Machines and why did I wait until I was in my 60s to go to University?

As a 6yr old in infant school child my desire was to be allowed to have a reading book, but to attain this I had to correctly read some flash cards. One fateful day I was called to the teachers desk, my turn had come once again. Out of all the cards there were two I consistently read wrong, COME and BECAUSE, those dreaded words. My teacher must have felt very frustrated and smacked me on my bottom.

And in that moment, I created my Meaning: “I am thick and stupid”. I then set my life on the track to prove that that meaning was completely correct.

I became the class clown at school, to hide how thick and stupid I was. I left school at 15 so as not to ‘fail’ at any O levels I might have been expected to take.

Due to my mum getting me an interview at the factory where she worked, I started work straight from school. However, within a year I became pregnant even though at that stage I had considered pursuing qualifications as I really enjoyed my job.

Once I went back to work, in between having more children, I always chose basic, factory, potato picking, shop jobs as I believed I was too thick and stupid to attain anything else.

As I got older, I used my thick and stupid meaning as an excuse to not be responsible for my actions.

For example, in my early 40s I became a Doctor’s receptionist, a job I thought was far above my station. One of the responsibilities I was given was being in charge of the prescriptions which came out from the back office. This also included filing them in alphabetical order, this was way outside my comfort zone. ABC is fine but AA, AB, AC etc is a real challenge. One day a gentleman asked for his prescription, he gave me his name, I went to the box, removed a prescription and handed it to him. Within a few short seconds he was laughing hysterically. By an alphabetical error I had given him his brothers prescription for Viagra……

Of course, I went straight to my thick and stupid excuse. It wasn’t my fault, fancy the manager giving such a responsible job to a thick and stupid person.

A few years later I decided to try and get an English GCSE. After every 2hr lesson I went to learning support to have the lesson explained more fully. The gentleman I saw suggested I met with an Educational Psycologist for an assessment. The outcome showed that I am very dyslexic but have a higher than average IQ. Oh! and I attained a ‘B’ in English 😊

Now you would think that would be the end of my thick and stupid excuse but remember, humans are Meaning Making Machines. Something happens, we make it mean something, then we collect our bias history to keep that meaning in place.

I continued to believe that I was thick and stupid even though I had papers to prove I wasn’t.

My A-ha moment…

came during a Landmark Forum course in London. https://landmarkworldwidelondon.com/  I shared my thick and stupid stance. I was asked when did I last feel this. I replied ‘at lunchtime when in the lift with others. I had said the floor number I thought to be correct and of course it was another floor number’. The leader asked for those in the lift with me to raise their hands, he then asked them if they had said I was thick and stupid. They of course said no, I quickly replied ‘but they thought it’.

The Landmark Leader then asked me when I had first thought I was thick and stupid. This I quickly related to my school flash card debacle. We then looked at my thick and stupid history and how I had used this to keep my “truth” in place. Of course, that smack given to me by my teacher could have meant a thousand different things, but I chose it to mean I was thick and stupid. No ‘truth’ there at all, just me being a Meaning Making Machine, which all humans do. Something happens, we make it mean something, then collect history to keep it in place as ‘truth’

So now in my 60s I have passed my Bachelors with a 2:1 and I am nearly finished my Masters by Research.

Now what will be my next challenge??? If you have suggestions, contact us